My skin has taken on the transparency of a salamander due to living out my life inside this office; and I decided, hey, maybe that’s not the best look for my engagement pictures. So today I have a confession: I’ve been going to the tanning beds.
Tanning salons embody a whole different society; complete with its own set of laws, etiquette, and traditions.
For instance, there are no first-timers in the world of tanning. Everyone assumes you’ve done this before and you know the drill. But there are many decisions. Which bed? The regular bed or the super bed? How many tans do you want? A month unlimited or maybe 10 tans, or maybe 6 months unlimited! What about lotion? What KIND OF LOTION SHOULD I BUY?! No one helps you with these decisions because you should already know. Perhaps everyone gets this knowledge in the pre-existence, and I missed that day of class.
Who are the rulers of this world? The orange sixteen-year-old texting on her cell phone at the counter. She is the monarch. She does not like it when you choose the wrong lotion. But this is easy to do because they all have names like “Floozy”, “Squeeze Lime ‘n da Coconut”, “Worship Me”, and “Sugar Girl” and it kind of makes you feel as if you’re browsing porno titles instead of indoor tanning lotion bottles. Choose the wrong lotion, and you get this response: “Floozy? Okaaaay.” On a later date, when I told her I wasn’t happy with my lotion, she responded, “Yeeeaaaah….like Floozy….it’s like kind of like totally old school.”
You should be caught up with ALL tanning lotion trends. Her highness has spoken.
3.20.2008
Tanning 101
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7 comments:
Perhaps everyone gets this knowledge in the pre-existence
lol
This is a perfect post.
LOL. So true. It's very unsettling, laying in a tanning bed naked with only a piece of plywood keeping the world from seeing your bits and pieces.
its so weird
plus i ALWAYS shower immedaitly after going, (uhhh that's when i go, which is only for weddings) its so gross
i bought my own lotion, in the drug store, much cheaper...
Personally, I'm not down with the whole tanning bed thing, but I understand why people do it. I feel that the only "people" who were meant to be orange were the oompa loompas.
Okay, I'm ready to admit. I love love love tanning. Especially when it is cold outside and you get in and you feel like it is a microwave and it is warming you up. If it wasn't unhealthy-ish/my family is cancer ridden, I would go EVERY SINGLE DAY. Advice: don't get the tingly lotion. I really really don't like it but maybe you do. It like messes with your body chemistry or something and it freaked me out. Other thing? Don't just lay on your back, lay on your side with your arms above your head, then on your stomach, then on your other side, then your back. Then you won't have white armpits/a really brown bum. Jealous.
I wonder what the orange girl was thinking when you snapped a picture of all her prized lotions...
Porno titles- HAHA!
Ya... tanning... I haven't been in such a long time. I would have NO clue what lotion to get. But I think it's so relaxing. It's a good thing it's timed- because I fall asleep sometimes... and am awoken by the bulbs shutting down.
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